Relationship secrets: recovering from a break-up

The reality is break-ups can be brutal – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Grieving a loss is never easy. The good news is break-ups force you to grow, to find your strength, and to learn to be self-reliant. Here are a few tips to support you through this process.

Feel your feelings

There’s no way around it when it comes to healing from a break-up, you’ve got to feel your feelings. Journal your rages, share your pain with supporters, and, most importantly, take time to cry. Give yourself plenty of space to feel the anger, regret, and sadness of this loss because the longer you postpone these feelings the longer it takes to heal. Remember to give yourself heaps of credit during this part of the process because actually experiencing the intensity of these difficult emotions takes courage.

Stop looking to your ex for validation

We all want validation – that feeling of being right, good, and accepted. It can be a habit to look to your ex for the validation she/he used to provide. But, during a break-up, your ex isn’t going to see things the way you do. Stop looking to him or her to do so. Part of the growing process of a break-up is learning how to validate yourself.

Be on your own side

Some of the pain of breaking up is that feeling that you’ve lost an ally. You miss being around someone with whom you feel loved, interesting, and good about yourself. Now is the time to decide to be these things for yourself. Be your own ally. Say loving and positive things to yourself. Laugh at your own jokes. Treat yourself like royalty. Focus on your strengths and believe that you are a good person that deserves the best.

Find ways to be gentle

Our inner critic tends to be most active when we feel vulnerable, and, chances are, much slander is already flying your way during a break-up. It’s easy to buy into these internal and external criticisms and get down on yourself. The last thing you need right now is to beat yourself up. Find ways to be especially gentle with yourself and give yourself lots of support. Remember, there’s a difference between acknowledging your mistakes versus beating yourself over the head with them.

The urge to reconnect

Sometimes the pain seems so overwhelming that you might convince yourself that connecting with your ex will take the pain away. Be prepared to deal with this impulse. Before picking up the phone or sending that e-mail, have a list of ten activities and ten people to call before you attempt to reconnect with your ex. It is difficult to heal from a break-up until you really let that person go.

Look for ways to heal your heart

Seek out techniques that help you feel strong and positive. Check out the ideas listed below for inspiration.

– Read books and watch movies about strong, courageous people.

– Create a list of your wonderful qualities and post it on the bathroom mirror.

– Buy yourself a new sex toy.

– Take a yoga class.

– Try a new hairstyle

– Get plenty of hugs from those you love.

An abundance of healing methods is out there to assist you in the grieving process. Find the best one for yourself and enjoy life!